Coronation Blues

In the run up to the Coronation weekend I had a lovely visit from the Caitlin.  We played games (she won as expected) and had a scrummy lunch out in Sidmouth where she captured me wiping the table and looking exactly like my mother.  We had a super yummy roast supper - thank you KK.  

Thanks for the phone memories Caitlin!

JC left for Florida on Tuesday 02 May for a 3 week NATO trial.  I worked in my work office on Wednesday, and on Thursday was on full blown duty as Presiding Officer for one of the council polling stations.  I got there at 0615, did a full day and left at 2230 to drive the ballot box to the counting station.  I eventually dropped into bed at midnight.  

Friday 05 May I worked from home, did pilates and had a lovely supper out at friends.  Saturday was not so great.  In fact Sunday wasn't either.  And in fact Monday wasn't.  My brain decided that Ruth was no-go all weekend: the loneliness and depression kicked in fast and hard and it was all I could do on Monday to drive out to a nearby garden and view their azaleas.  Admittedly Metcombe does has have awesome azaleas and their fairy garden was cute too.

Because my brain had shut down on helping myself - when you have a depressive episode the last thing you do is ask people for help, it's like a mental paralytic attack and you go from functional to not even able to tell anyone you're sad - I avoided the tea gazebo and scuttled home.

Help was on hand by the fact that I knew I may be struggling (it's not as if depression is new for me) so I'd pre-committed to turning up in the council offices on Tuesday.  I dragged myself in and had a bit of a weep on a safe colleague.  Part of me thinks this is super embarrassing, and I told her so, but part of me knows it's not bad, as my brain is ill and I need support.  Once distracted by work I function like a lean mean professional machine, but it's the down time hours that floor me constantly.

So now I've a plan. This Saturday Cardiff calls. It actually calls earlier than I'd like (!) as Riona needs collecting from a garage at 0900: but we've a full day of fun before I head back, and Sunday is just a day so survivable.  The following weekend I have now booked a Totnes weekend plan including river cruise to Dartmouth and a steam train. As I said to JC the other day, I'll commit to something if I've paid in advance so after a Cardiff blog it'll be Totnes fest dear readers (reader).  Thank you for getting this far.