My Mum died on Saturday 16 December. It was sudden and I was called by her nursing home whilst on a Christmas shopping trip with a friend in Tavistock. The shopping was abandoned and tea, phonecalls, hugs and chatting filled most of the evening.
The next day I drove home, unpacked and re-packed, and drove to Basingstoke to support my Dad and brother. Therein began days of finding our way through an unknown path - her death was referred to the coroner so that, the undertakers, church pastors, registrars office and the solicitor (for will) took up much of the calls/visits and soon the to-do list was long with order of services to plan, flowers to order, catering to think about and a myriad of questions you never thought you needed to answer. In between I tried to keep work going, mainly because there were hours of inactivity and I needed a distraction, although work certainly didn't get the most dynamic Ruth that week.
Dad and I visited her nursing home to collect her belongings and were really touched at how beautifully they had arranged her room. They were all really upset about her death as she was a much loved part of their lives.
On Saturday 23 December it would have been Mum's 82nd birthday. We had already planned a family gathering at Dad's and it was fitting that we still met. Caitlin rustled up a wonderful curry and others chipped in tasty contributions. It was good to share time together.
The girls and I drove back to Exeter that evening. I had a few hours to myself then and the next day. I hadn't wrapped a thing, and didn't complete the girls' stockings, but it was enough. I decamped to Roger's for the next couple of days which was just what I needed. I naturally was zoned out from organising Christmas and he had bought all the food and did all the cooking. I flopped and did a variety of jigsaws and tried to unwind.
The girls stayed with me a few days after which was lovely - nothing much just more jigsaws and my favourite game, switch game, Overcooked. Again, more tonic for a tired soul.
On Friday I flew to Luxembourg. I'd dithered about cancelling this, as, if Dad had needed me, I would have been there for him. But he was fine, as was the coroner and undertaker, so nobody needed me in the UK for a week. It was great to see JC again as he'd been abroad at his parents since before Mum had died. He dutifully provided hugs and tea in bed and I spent a lot of time trying to lounge around. However, brain being what it is, I still was planning. I helped write the eulogy, sorted the order of service, wrote notes for the thanksgiving and generally tried to keep the ball rolling on the funeral front.
We had some social activities and saw New Year in with JC's family. We also visited Villa Vauban for a tour of their fine art. It was interesting to hear some of the background of the paintings although the acoustics were poor so, even though it was in English, I missed some of the juicy details.
Jc enjoyed their beanbag corner!
Luxembourg is always beautiful at night.
On another day we went to the Lëtzebuerg City Museum (in Luxembourg City) to view their 'best of posters' exhibition. A lot of European Union posters - no doubt influenced by the involvement Luxembourg had in that.
The posters were really interesting including the German occupation period. I'm not sure about the bevy of 1960s/70s art. It was obviously seen as OK in those days, but pretty non-PC now!
Storm Henk blew through Luxembourg and we went onto flood alert. The local area flooded as did the Alzette running through Luxembourg city.
JC's parents have been flooded a few times and now have hefty, but hopefully very effective, flood barriers for their house. They have a relative who helps them shift them into position and we barricaded ourselves in for the night. Fortunately the river didn't rise sufficiently to overtop, although, as you can see, you can often get a double dip if more rain falls so even when we left the barriers were still up.
We drove back on Thursday. Belgium was wet and windy, France dry, and the Channel Tunnel terminal at Calais was the emptiest we'd ever seen! We caught an earlier train and got back to wet and windy Basingstoke in good time. JC then headed back and I went back into funeral mode.
Dad and I saw Mum yesterday to say our final farewells. It was very emotional and sad, but, for us, part of the closure process. More undertaker conversations, then a hospital appointment for Dad, and he and Keith finally registered Mum's death yesterday (the post mortem had delayed this). Now it's onto detail of the catering and more organising in the last week trying to think of all the things which need doing. In a 4 week period I will have been at home for 4 nights and had one of those alone - although I totally am in the right place, being with others to help, I'm certainly missing Ruth-space and feel like I need a break after this.
Although Mum had been in a home for 3 years I still haven't got used to her not being here ever. I catch myself thinking "when I'm at Dad's we can pop down and see her." Those days are gone and my/our new normal is that she is no longer part of our physical lives, but we have a host of wonderful memories which will last forever.
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